Well well well, what can we say about Chris? A very strange individual indeed.
Before becoming a tattoo artist Chris was a fully qualified electrical engineer running a chocolate factory in Derby, but when you spend time with him you’ll see he is more Silly Wanker than Willy Wonka. An accomplished deviant, he can often be found on tow paths and near girl’s schools wearing nothing but his shoes and a smile, having quite cleverly grown and shaved his pubic hair into what resembles a pair of Y-fronts to disguise his disgusting length.
His huge wang is such that we only have one arm rest in the studio as he is quite comfortably able to rest his client’s arms upon his swollen member, and if Chris is particularly happy with the end result of a tattoo he sometimes ejaculates his happy dust onto the client but never charges extra.
Chris is a very hard worker and can sometimes put in up to 4 hours of work in a day, which when experiencing his shrieks and waffle throughout that time can actually seem much longer, as his behaviour often resembles that of a young child that has just been given a Werther’s sweet by an adoring but questionable uncle.
In his spare time he can often be found drowning out the noise of the motorbikes in MotoGP and competing with the aeroplanes taking off from the local airport. He also builds hot-tubs, sings in public and sometimes shits his pants walking home. He is also sweaty and I hear quite adventurous in bed.
For all of the above and more he is a valuable and appreciated member of the studio and is not too shabby at tattooing. Which helps. However, he hardly ever makes a cup of tea for anyone and on the rare occasions he does he has to be called Jesus for the rest of the day. In the old days before we were prohibited from saying anything, he was frequently known as a “complete bender’. Which is absolutely fine by me, who doesn’t enjoy a bit of the old chutney ferret now and then? There should be no labels nowadays, and although we are both what is now known as “straight” men, we often enjoy a quick game of knob conkers before we start the day. And why shouldn’t we? It’s 2021 for fuck’s sake.